earth advengers

As soon as we get the alien starship I will be known as Ms Jet, or Lady Jet. You will be Lemmy. Other members of the crew will be Spike, Smork, Cookie & The Crow. & we will have jokes, for instance in any bad situations–like we are running out of ammunition & surrounded by enemies–I will always say, “Cookie, this is the worst porridge you ever cooked up!” & we will all have a favourite weapon. Spike’s favourite weapon will be his rusty Earth .40 snub. & I will say, “Seriously Spike you expect to hit anything with that, anyone is always better with the four inch barrel & the adjustable backsight.” & Spike will always say, “Captain Jet, a four inch barrel is for vermin control.” & I will say, “That’s what we do here in space, Spike.” Then I will give him a significant look & add: “We control vermin.” & everyone will laugh and Spike will admit ruefully, “Guess you got me there, Ms Lady!” Spike makes his own bullets & has Outworld hair. Cookie is always “Fat Cookie”. My special weapon will be a fifteen petawatt proton gun which only I can lift, aimed telepathically through advanced radio telescopes distributed in the Cat’s Eye Nebula & accurate to less than one Planck length. Our main enemies will be: Bizarro Nazis and The Junk. Our signature will be: Earth Advengers!

Is that understood?

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7 responses to “earth advengers

  1. Simon

    I know a commissioning editor at the BBC who would so make this, Mikey. The Firefly/Spooks dynamic is very ABC1 at the moment and we can capitalise on the nerd-factor. Think of the merchandise! Could the Earth .40 Snub maybe talk? The kids would love a snide gun with a sound chip.

  2. uzwi

    I’ll have my people talk to their people. I know we can come to an arrangement on the weapon.

  3. OK, you with the big talk—-I dare you to go ahead and write it

  4. uzwi

    :-) Just as soon as I get the offer I can’t refuse.

  5. It’s not exactly “Egnaro” but even as-is I’d still give it odds for the Nebula.

  6. Timbo

    That was a very entertaining read; you should at least work it up into a short story!