cellular decisions

by uzwi

Why does a junkie quit of his own free will ? You never know the answer to that question. No conscious tabulation of the disadvantages and horrors of junk gives you the emotional drive to kick. The decision to quit junk is a cellular decision, and once you have decided to quit you cannot go back to junk permanently any more than you could stay away from it before. Like a man who has been away a long time, you see things differently when you return from junk. [Burroughs, Junkie, p152.]

Obsession is like this. The core experience empties out, the signs reverse themselves. The object is de-eroticised. You put it down like a book you mean to keep reading but don’t pick up again. From now on you will be able to pick it up & put it down at will–that seems demeaning somehow, although you aren’t sure quite who to. But the worst thing about not being obsessed is that you have to find something else to do.