I inherited one of those liquid crystal thermometer cards British Gas distributes to pensioners. It’s installed near the desk. At the moment it doesn’t even say, “You are at risk of dying of hypothermia, you silly old fool! Put on more clothes! Turn up the heating you can’t afford! Eat some of that good high-calorific horse meat!” It is registering below that. In fact it is registering below the scale. The room is so cold that the pensioner thermometer can’t even patronise me. If I was a proper old person I’d be in the shit now. I’d have to spend two hours convincing the emergency services to come out (not including the means test); then, having failed, get myself into a taxi anyway & go die of neglect on a trolley in a packed annex somewhere off the Reformed National Health Service, while volunteer health workers struggled through their workload towards me. I’m glad not to have the bother of that, obviously: but I’ve already defaulted to a cup of tea, my Rab heavyweight fleece, Smartwool socks & a pair of dayglo orange duvet slippers from Spain; & suddenly I feel a bit privileged to be able to turn up the heating.
Would you like a blanket?
I have some news might warm you up a bit – please email me at email@example.com – Donna Scott, BSFA Awards Administrator (sorry was looking for a way to contact you)
Hi Nigel. I’d like a Woodford Reserve, please. Double.
Hi Donna, email on its way.
My sister brought me back a Yak hair blanket from Nepal. Lightweight, incredibly warm and seemingly mothproof. Other than that, I’d recommend a Hudson’s Bay from Canada. Neither are available on the NHS. Both would be good to sit wrapped up in while watching Utopia. Whatever happened to the blanket box?
Woodford Reserve, huh? Excellent choice, sir. As a Kentuckian, though, I could say that I’m biased. And I’d be right.
As long as your drinking bourbon, however, might I also recommend Booker’s?
Hi James, I’ll take that recommendation as soon as circumstances permit…