the problem of writing is always the problem of who you were
by uzwi
Sometimes a writing problem will begin to resolve itself when you recognise that you haven’t been acknowledging pivotal events in your life. You’ve changed without knowing it. You were looking in the wrong place for solutions because you were looking in the wrong place for yourself. This recognition, however, doesn’t provide automatic or short-term relief. It’s unlikely to be a professional solution. The problem of writing is always the problem of who you were, always the problem of who to be next. It is a game of catch-up, of understanding that what you’re failing to write could only be written by who you used to be. Who you are now should be writing something else: what, you won’t know until you try.
–Originally posted as “what you won’t know”, January 11th, 2013.
the m john harrison blog 
I’m a good writer.
I always thought it’s what I’d do. Since I was 13.
I read back my stuff, the bits I’ve done over the years, and it’s good.
But I’ve never done it for real.
For some reason it’s too hard, though I write well easily..
It’s something I avoid, or force myself to do.
Yet I think about being a writer it ten, twenty time a day, every day.
I’m 53.
40 years not doing the thing I would love to do…
?
I’ve missed your blog. I’ve been trying not to read it. But it’s so fucking good. I think I remember this from when you first posted it. It’s like a riddle. I love it. Merci Prof!
Then there’s this: “In Black Sun, Julia Kristeva addresses the subject of melancholia, examining this phenomenon in the context of art, literature, philosophy, the history of religion and culture, as well as psychoanalysis. She describes the depressive as one who perceives the sense of self as a crucial pursuit and a nearly unattainable goal and explains how the love of a lost identity of attachment lies at the very core of depression’s dark heart.” Hmmm.